Birth planning is an essential part of your childbirth preparation. Major life events take preparation. Just like planning a move, a trip, or a wedding, preparing for birth helps ensure a smoother, more satisfying experience. Some people have very rigid preferences, while others have none at all. We believe it’s important to be rooted in your “why” and plan for the birth you want, while remaining flexible and resilient along the way. This is a balanced and effective approach to planning for childbirth. We encourage finding a balance by focusing on what matters most to you: your core values, key preferences, and communication style. 

Many birth plans are simply lists of interventions to avoid or preferences for a "perfect" birth without any twists or turns. While it is important to stay deeply rooted in your desires, our experience with birth has taught us one certainty: we never truly know how a birth will unfold. Focusing solely on a rigid list of "wants and don't-wants" can create immense pressure to stick to an original plan often leading to feelings of failure or disappointment if things shift. Communicating your preferences is vital, but we also need to dive deeper into values and communication styles so you feel supported and no matter which direction your birth takes.

If you haven’t already, we highly recommend reading "Birth Vibes" by Jen Hamilton. Some of what we share here is drawn from her book, alongside our professional experience and the ongoing education and training we receive as doulas.

In her book, Jen shares a great analogy: imagine throwing a surprise party for a stranger. The only information you are given is that you need to plan a party. You decide on an outdoor seafood boil. On the day of the event, a huge storm rolls in, and you discover the guest of honor is severely allergic to seafood! Are you a failure who should cancel the party? Absolutely not! You did the best you could with the information you had. Instead, you pivot: you move the party indoors and order everyone's favorite pizza. You still have a wonderful celebration, it just looks different than you originally anticipated.

The same concept applies to your birth. You know you are having a "birthday party," but the specific details of how it unfolds will reveal themselves as the day progresses. This doesn't mean we don't plan; it simply means we remain flexible.

Another analogy we love is planning a trip. Unless you are incredibly spontaneous with extra money to burn, you typically book a flight in advance. You pick your destination, departure airport, date, and time. You arrive early, plan to make the flight, and coordinate your arrival schedule accordingly. Yet, you also know that planes can be delayed and flights can be canceled. The possibility of the unexpected doesn’t keep you from making a plan; it encourages you to prepare. You learn about your options, consider what you’ll do if something changes, and make decisions based on what matters most to you.

Birth planning works the same way. When preparing for birth, it is crucial to understand the options you might be presented with and know how you feel about each one. Education makes active participation so much easier. Feeling informed, heard, and involved in decisions about your care can contribute to a greater sense of agency and satisfaction with your birth experience. Ultimately, the greatest benefit of birth planning is the education process itself: it clarifies your options and highlights what matters most to you. Taking a comprehensive out-of-hospital childbirth education class is vital to understanding labor and potential interventions.

Once you’ve explored your options, values, and communication style, write down your preferences to create your birth plan—it will become a powerful communication tool for your provider! 

The first step in birth planning is taking a comprehensive childbirth education course! Ideally, this course is taken outside of the hospital setting. Hospital-based classes are great if they are your only option, but they typically only scratch the surface—rarely discussing the full spectrum of options, coping techniques, partner support, or self-advocacy.

An out-of-hospital class goes deep into all of these topics. It will help you understand the stages of labor, coping techniques for each phase, partner support strategies, common interventions, advocacy tools, and immediate postpartum care.

This foundation is vital for birth planning, advocacy, and autonomy. When you know what to expect and what options exist, you will feel fully prepared to step into the decision-making process.

We find that being an active participant in decision-making can be one of the most effective ways to support a positive birth experience. When people feel that decisions are being made for them or that things are happening to them without their understanding, trauma can be more likely and satisfaction can decrease.

True autonomy starts with education. When you understand labor and your available options, you can step into your birth as an active participant—making informed, collaborative decisions every step of the way.

This doesn’t mean you have to have every detail mapped out perfectly—in fact, it’s the exact opposite! When you understand the birth process, know what questions to ask, and communicate your needs clearly, you will be prepared to navigate whatever comes your way. Plus, you always have your doula as backup! She is there to help you navigate any situation, though preparing yourself beforehand will make the experience feel worlds better.

Choosing childbirth education can be overwhelming. We’ve got you! Let us help make the process and decision easier. Check out our page on Exploring Childbirth Education. You can also reach out to your doula or to Rachael and Hannah directly for more information.

As mentioned before, flexibility is essential, and that is where your birth values shine! They serve as your North Star when facing unexpected decisions during labor; anchoring what makes you feel safe in the birth space. When choices aren't black-and-white, referring back to your core values brings clarity. For example, if your values are patience, physiology, low intervention, and partner support, you might choose to decline routine cervical checks or routine rupture of membranes. We love the idea of writing your 3–4 core birth values on the whiteboard in your room to highlight them for the labor staff.

It is also important to check in with your values as labor unfolds. When faced with a new decision, ask yourself:

• "Does this align with my values?"

• If it doesn't: "Am I willing to shift my values here?" or "Do I have a deeper value that this decision actually aligns with?

We recommend selecting 3 to 4 values to focus on. These values are also wonderful tools to integrate into your prenatal preparation, deep breathing exercises, and visualizations. 

Use the workbook to explore sample values and write down your own so you can easily include them in your birth plan.

In addition to your values, it is immensely helpful to share your preferred communication style. Care providers see many patients with diverse personalities and needs. Because effective advocacy begins with human connection, being direct about your communication needs fosters smoother interactions. Telling your team how you best process information prevents guessing games and helps them support you effectively. 

Examples of Communication Styles: 

Calm and Slow Paced: “ I prefer a calm and slow-paced communication style that allows me time to process information and make decisions.”

Collaborative: “I prefer to discuss options and make a plan in tandem with my team.” 

Detailed and informative: “I need you to give me as much information, no sugarcoating. Please tell me exactly what you need to say.” 

Empathetic and Compassionate: “I prefer communication that is empathetic, acknowledges my feelings, and offers emotional support.” 

Frequent updates: “Please update me frequently with what is happening and what I can expect next.” 

Minimal interruptions: “Please limit small talk or checking in if I have not asked for something. I really don’t want to be interrupted unless absolutely necessary.” 

Partner-centric: “I rely heavily on collaboration with my partner and would like to include them in the conversation and decision-making process.” 

Simple and Clear: “Please break down information to me in simple terms and avoid medical jargon.”

Step-by-step: “I prefer information to be given in small, easily digestible steps before moving on to the next thing.

Visual aids: “I understand things much better if you can show me what you mean with drawings, charts, or models.” 

Written communication: “Along with our conversations, it helps if I can have what we discussed written down, so I can remember or review it.” 

Understanding your personality tendencies and sharing them with your partner and doula is valuable self-reflection, especially when choosing a provider. For instance, if you lean toward being an "Obliger" and your provider holds a different birth philosophy, standing firm in your beliefs may feel challenging under pressure. For those sensitive to external expectations, choosing an aligned provider is especially critical.

No single tendency is superior; each carries distinct strengths and potential traps. Recognizing these patterns allows you to check in with yourself during decision-making: "Am I declining this intervention out of habit, or does it truly conflict with my values?" or "Am I stuck in analysis paralysis and need to ask for guidance?" When your support team understands your tendencies, they can provide tailored check-ins.

Below we will share a great resource to learn about your personality, and more information about each of the four tendencies. 

To explore your personality style, take Gretchen Rubin's free assessment.

Use your workbook to explore personal tendencies further and write down what you discover so you can easily include them in your birth planning.

By preparing in this way, you become thoroughly educated and confident! You will understand your preferences, know how to pivot when needed, and communicate directly. Discussing your birth plan during prenatal appointments allows you to gauge your provider's support while building a personal connection. Advocacy thrives on mutual empathy and human connection! While this preparation may not eliminate the need to advocate during labor, it significantly reduces it by establishing clarity in advance.

These prenatal discussions also create space to address any misalignments. Hesitation, pushback, or dismissiveness from a provider can be yellow or red flags, signaling that they may not be as collaborative as you desire. This insight gives you ample time to adjust expectations, practice advocacy scenarios with your doula, or switch to a better-aligned provider.

Shared and Informed Decision Making: 

Staying in the driver's seat means actively participating in every decision made during labor. It is impossible to predict every intervention you may face, and your preferences may naturally evolve—which is completely okay. It is also normal to forget details from your prenatal classes during active labor.

To navigate decisions before, during, and after labor, we recommend using the BRAINS framework. Ask these questions for both proceeding with and declining an option:

Benefits: What are the benefits of doing ___? / What are the benefits of not doing ___? 

Risks: What are the risks of doing ___? / What are the risks of not doing ___? 

Available Alternatives: What are my available alternatives? 

Intuition: What does my intuition say? 

Now/ Nothing: What happens if we choose not to do this now? / What happens if we do nothing? 

Space: Can you please give us some space, so we can discuss this privately? 

Additional Helpful Questions:  

• What is the absolute risk of that happening? 

• How often have you seen that happening? 

• Is there anything wrong right now? 

Internal Check-ins:

• Am I ok? 

• Is my baby ok? 

• What do I want? 

Provider Alignment: 

• How are their values informing their recommendations? 

• How are my values or biases impacting my initial reaction to their recommendation? 

Implement Your Plan: Communicate with Your Provider:

After considering these topics and creating your birth plan, bring it to your provider for a discussion. Use this time to learn how supportive your provider is of your options, determine what steps you may need to take to get on the same page, or decide if your current provider is truly the best fit for you.

You may not fully align with your provider on every single decision, and that is okay! The most important thing is that they are open to your choices and respect your decisions. If you need help bridging the gap between you and your provider, please lean on your doula. She can offer guidance and language to navigate these conversations—and if you choose to find a new provider, she can help you with that transition, too.

Implement Your Plan: Communicate with the Hospital Care Team

Your partner is your first line of advocacy and the ultimate guardian of your birth space. There may be moments during labor when you go so deeply inward that you need an outside voice. Your partner should step in as that next voice because they know you and your preferences best.

Additionally, with your permission, we are happy to serve as your back-up voice and speak your communicated preferences on your behalf. Completing this workbook and birth plan, then sharing it with us, is the best way to ensure we clearly understand what matters most to you during labor and the immediate postpartum period. To empower us to step in, please include a note on your birth plan stating that we have permission to speak freely with your care team. Finally, have your partner introduce us as your advocate and doula when you arrive.

To ensure your hospital team fully understands your values and priorities, it is essential to share your birth plan directly with them. Hospital staff are busy, and details can easily get missed or forgotten between rooms. It is most effective to have your partner review the birth plan line-by-line with your nurse to ensure your needs and preferences are clear.

This review is also a great opportunity to open up communication if you have preferences that differ from "hospital policy." You have every right to birth in your own way, though you may need to advocate for your desires or explain that you take full responsibility for your choices. In some cases, the hospital may ask you to sign extra paperwork releasing them from liability for stepping outside policy—this is called an AMA (Against Medical Advice). For example, if you decline continuous fetal monitoring simply because it is standard policy, you can sign an AMA and request the specific monitoring style that makes you feel comfortable. While you likely won't end up in this situation, talking through it now ensures you feel ready rather than surprised on the day of your birth.